Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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