I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
