there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
