Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
