her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
