Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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