Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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