Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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