i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
