i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
