Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
