Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
