your room smells of hookers.
And success
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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