So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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