There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
