I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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