I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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