im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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