You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
