yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
