based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
