Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
