Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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