Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
