that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
