I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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