if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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