we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
