Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
