Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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