He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
