My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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