i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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