i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
