we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
