So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
