You just made me feel so damn special
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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