hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
