she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
