some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
