Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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