I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
