dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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