accomplished twins. life is a go
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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