There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
