Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
