yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I believe in your delicious
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
