The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
