My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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