Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
