last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
