he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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