Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
