This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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