$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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