problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
