he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
