I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
