yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
