You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
