I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
id be glad to
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
