so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
