Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
