Are we in a gay sports bar?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
