Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
