I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
