I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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