I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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