speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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