I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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