Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
