i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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