my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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